A few years ago I went shopping for a dress for a special occasion . It was late June and I wanted something flattering and loose since it was supposed to be a hot day. On a whim, I also purchased a one piece shoulder-to-mid-thigh spandex undergarment to smooth "things" out. Which, by the way, totally defeated the reason to buy a loose, comfortable dress.
When that special occasion arrived I squeezed my orange spray tanned self into the spandex, pulling it up over my undergarments. The dress was sleeveless so I had someone safety pin my bra straps to the Spandex shoulder straps. This would prove to be a very BAD idea.
Feeling all lovely with my orange toned skin and deep purple dress, I failed to think through the idea that eventually...sometime that day perhaps...I might need to go to the restroom. Imagine my horror when I rushed to the restroom doing the potty dance only to be pinned (where I couldn't reach!!!) into the ONE PIECE spandex body shaping contraption. Frantically, I managed to rip open the 3" slit in the crotch avoiding what would've been a rather embarrassing moment! Putting that day behind me, I vowed to never be so silly as to get in that predicament again.
Yesterday, I optimistically ventured out to the mall to find a dress for my husbands upcoming work party. I wore my new knee high black leather boots so I could see how they would look with the dress. Typically, I bring a friend along to help me decide...and zip me up...but, today I was on my own.
I was thrilled to find the dresses on sale and quickly grabbed an armful to try on. The store was in a state of transition, and the only dressing room was in the children's section of the store. With only two bright green juvenile wallpapered dressing rooms I started trying on the dresses. As it turns out, I would be very grateful there wasn't a line of people waiting to use the dressing rooms.
Half way through my pile, I squeezed into a black dress that felt much smaller than the others in the same size. It was snug in the shoulders and I managed to only get the side zipper up half way. Deciding that this was a DEFINITE "NO", I tried to unzip it. It wouldn't budge. My arms were trapped and with too much eagerness, I would've ripped out the shoulders. I tried several positions to no avail. I started to break into a sweat. In a frantic effort to free myself from this Rayon trap, I wiggled it up half way over my head. Thats as far as it went, it wouldn't budge. I was stuck.
I stared at myself in the mirror... exposed black panties and thigh high black leather boots with a dress stuck on the upper part of my body and head... sweat beading on my forehead.
I had no choice. I had to ask the lady in the next room to rescue me. Not my proudest moment, but a good laugh anyways. In the end I did find a dress. One that I can get in and out of all by myself.
On my way home I stopped at Walmart for cat food and blush. The fake eyelashes caught my attention. "Hmmmm, these might be fun!" I thought. I quickly dismissed the idea realizing I would probably end up glueing them to my upper lip by accident.
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