Salty Sweet

Below is the LAST post I wrote while living in Manette, WA
 FOUR YEARS AGO.
(For some reason I never published it)
This week I looked back at my blog for the first time since moving back to Whidbey Island in 2014...  Oh how I miss writing, and the people I met along the way.  Friends,  SO much has happend in the past 4 years, and I'd love to share that with you.  I will do an update post very soon!!
xo  Jodi


******************************
In the Navy

 the term "Salty Dog" is given to an older,

 experienced sailor who has spent much of their career at sea.

Tomorrow our Manette Vintage house is getting all packed up

for our FINAL move.

A move that Jeff and I have been anticipating since we moved away

several years ago.

But its not to the East Coast after all.

We both felt that it was time for us to retire from the Navy

and move home to Whidbey Island, WA.

We are full of excitement, anticipation and happiness...

and for me, a little weird uncertainty.

I was born a military child. I never lived in one home

more than 3 years until I was almost 30 years old.

I married a military man 

and understood that his job and country always came first.

The government told me where and when we would live

my ENTIRE life.

I made friends knowing I'd be moving away.

I get restless after a few years in one place.

I never truly invested in my own career ideas or desires thinking I didn't have time.

Always committed to my husband and my family, but not a place.

**But now? Now WE get to decide everything!** 

And that tastes Sooooo SWEET!

SALTY SWEET

I will keep you updated on our "Salty Sweet Cottage" on Whidbey Island....

but for now.... I have some work to do before the packers arrive!

Finding Serenity as a Military Wife

It’s a warm Summers evening and the sun is setting over the mountains. I look out the back screen door and take a deep breath of the fragrant air. I close my eyes and am taken back to the same smell in the air so many years ago.

It’s a warm evening in August 1996.  I am sitting out on my front steps crying, wishing my children would just fall asleep. The smell of fresh cut grass lingers in the air.  I hear my neighbors laughter from their back yard. The sound of a family playing outside late into the warm Summer night.  I envy them.

It had been another long day of being a Navy wife and mom 24/7. Jeff had been deployed several months of his six-month deployment to the Persian Gulf.  It was his third long deployment in our 8 years together. He had been gone so much before the deployment too, doing work ups and overnight duty section rotations.  I missed him. Our children missed him.  The days seemed eternal and the nights too short.  I was tired and emotional.

In those early days of our Navy career it was easy to feel sorry for myself. Considering all that I had to do alone. Everything fell on me.  Everyone relied on me. Some days were overwhelming. Sick children, broken down cars, not enough money in the bank, and not enough sleep.  As they grew older, I tried to stay on top of homework deadlines, school activities and sports. Trying to meet the emotional and physical needs of three growing kids when my tank was on empty. Some days were easy and some days I wish I could do over. But I couldn’t have done it without the support of some great friends, my faith, and the extended family that would swoop in and save my sanity when I felt like running off to Antarctica…

ALONE.

Military spouses, we do it because we LOVE our husbands/wives and we LOVE our children. We do it because we are grateful for our nation. The responsibilities will either make your marriage stronger or it will tear it apart.  It is never easy, never.  It’s a choice. And with the hardships there is also great reward. Just show up to a homecoming. I wish all marriages could experience that longing. It’s part of the glue that binds military families together.

After almost 26 years as a Navy wife, it is still not easy to be away from the man that I love. In fact, in many ways it’s harder. Our children are grown; our house is empty of the demands. I have more time than ever to nurture myself, my husband and our relationship.  This is our season to get to know our mid-life selves, find new hobbies and go places together.  I long for his presence now, more than ever.  Not because I need help around the house, or could use a break from demands. But because he is my best friend, has been since we were 21. The one who knows me better than anyone else, and yet has so much more to learn. We are getting older, we can’t help that, Lord knows.  It’s evident every day.  We have known many couples in recent years that’ve unexpectedly lost the love of their life. It’s heartbreaking. As much as we want forever, none of us are promised a long life together.

Stick with me here, I’m not trying to depress you all!

I had a “Ahh-ha” moment one day not too long ago as I was driving to Portland for a family event without Jeff. He was out to sea for a few weeks at the time.  I had a brief twang of self-pity on I-5 South (in your most depressing voice…). “Here I am again, all alone, he’s always gone…blah blah blah”.  But as fast as it came over me, it passed and I was brought to tears with the realization that my sweet husband has missed SO much more than I could ever dream of. 

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself!” I demanded.

In his almost 28 year career with the US Navy, he has been away nearly 11 full years.  Add up all the long deployments, work ups, duty days and few years living apart.  11 years!  4015 days give or take a few. 4015 breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Multiply that by 3 beautiful little children and he missed 12,045 precious hugs around his neck. 4015 bedtime stories and sounds of “goodnight daddy.” He missed his birthdays, kids birthdays, our anniversaries and holidays. Trips to the pumpkin patch, Christmas tree farm and Easter egg hunts. First steps, first foods, first days of school, first dates, first dance, first day of college, cross country trips, family vacations. 

I was there; I was a part of all of those special moments. Yes, I was without my husband, but I was there. I felt those little arms and smelled those sweet necks. I have those moments in my memory. He only has the memories of being told and some photo’s to share in the excitement.

It’s my desire to never feel sorry for myself for being alone as a military wife again. It’s been my privilege to support this man as he served and did his job. His sacrifices have allowed me to be a stay home mom and wife for many years, so that I only worked when I needed to or desired to. He gave when I’m sure his tank was empty.  He supported me when I went through depression and anxiety. Sure, sometimes he disconnected emotionally, because he HAD to, so that it wouldn’t hurt as much to say goodbye to his family.  So that he could focus on the task of serving our Nation. So that he could do his job well.  That could break a lot of men and women, even the toughest nuts. They have to learn to separate their emotions, and say good bye….over and over again.  What a difficult responsibility!

                                     *******

 I close the back door.  I check all the locks. And I crawl into bed alone. As I pull his pillow close to me, I say a prayer of thanksgiving. I am thankful for all that I have been given. The easy and the hard.  The good and the bad.  The strengths and the weaknesses.

I lie in the dark thinking about our past, and our future. How the past 7 months have been a roller coaster ride of decision making.  How the more I try to control what goes on around me, the more I realize each day has an agenda of its own.   All that energy that I put into planning far into the future yesterday doesn’t matter today. It was a waste of precious time. We try to make our plans, but God directs our steps.  Daily. Hourly. Moment by moment.

We planned to go to Hawaii, God redirected our steps.  We planned to go to Washington DC, but God has redirected our steps once again.  I hesitate to share that we are now planning to retire after 28 years. God may decide to redirect our paths once again.  I don’t know for certain what tomorrow will bring.  However, the letter has been sent, and we are waiting to make it official. It’s about as for sure as we can know. 

As we wait, there are two things I am certain about…(1.)That Gods plan is always the one I want to be a part of.  And (2) I don’t want to see my husband miss any more everyday moments in our life together.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;


and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 


Enjoying one moment at a time;

 


Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 


Taking, as He did, this sinful world 
as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right 
if I surrender to His Will;


That I may be reasonably happy in this life 


and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.


Amen.

**This is my experience as a Navy wife, I know there are so many moms that have to do it alone every day who don't have the emotional or financial support of a spouse. You are so strong and courageous! Your children will look back and appreciate your sacrifices.  I understand that tiredness and I want to thank you too, for putting one foot in front of the other, pressing on. You are appreciated!

"I had the most interesting call today...."

Gosh!

Where do I start?

I never meant to be gone so long.

Truly.

Remember when I mentioned there would be changes coming?

There was more truth to that than

I even knew.

Have you ever been given a choice and the decision seemed pretty simple?

But deep down you weren't sure if your decision was the best choice?

So you give it to God and ask Him to make the choice for you,

knowing He knows what is best.

As a Navy wife, 

I am pretty used to unexpected change. 

I sense it coming.

 My husband usually comes home with a look on his face

and the words that come out of his mouth go something

like this...

"I had an interesting call today...."

Those words still send a pit to my stomach.

A feeling of anticipation AND uncertainty.

It was just a year ago that he used those words to let me know he would 

be deploying for 6 months last Summer.

In January, 

just one month after his homecoming, 

he was given the choice to change duty stations AGAIN.

Of the options we were given, we happily chose Hawaii!!

Warm breezes, sand between our toes, birds singing all year round.

As we waited for official orders, we stayed quiet about it

(OK, so it was really hard and I told more than I should have,

but it was HAWAII after all, duh!?)

The more I watched HGTV "Hawaii Life",

researched places to live, beaches, planned visits from friends & family...

the more I felt uneasy about being so FAR from my kids for 3 years.

Paradise or not...I tried to block out how sad that made me feel.

Especially with a very real possibility

we could become grandparents during that time.

We waited and waited for the official orders to come in.

We took a 2 week trip to Arkansas.

(I'll share about that soon)

We started to go through everything in our home,

deciding what to take, or not take, all the way to Paradise.

We made many trips to the thrift store & dump.

THEN, about 3 weeks ago, Jeff came home from work,

plopped down his backpack and said...

"I had the most interesting call today...."

I was kneeling on the counter top washing the kitchen windows.

I slumped onto the counter, put down the paper towels and quietly said

"We're NOT going to Hawaii, are we honey"?

***

It turned out that the orders were never written up for Hawaii,

the guy he was supposed to replace was extended and so that option became

obsolete. Without us knowing, the orders were written up for our next choice.

The choice my gut felt was the best choice all along.

The choice that put us within 2 hours of our daughter and husband.

The choice that God knew was for our best all along.

Washington D.C.

The night we found out about the change in plans I called our

daughter, Janelle.

She squealed and cried when I told her.

I felt peace.

*****

Now, that I've had more time to think about it I am kind of scared. 

Sounds silly, I suppose.

I have been in Washington STATE for 23 years.

My husband has lived alone in CA and on ships in order for his 

family to have a sense of stability and structure.

We have lived in 5 houses here,

but our kids grew up with the same friends most of their life.

I wanted that for them, I was a Air Force "brat" and changed schools a lot. 

I envied my husband. He knew the same kids his whole life.

I am not a city girl.

I like wide open spaces.

Water and meadows and space to breathe.

Tall buildings, crowded sidewalks and traffic give me anxiety.

But, I am excited too.

Excited to step out of my comfort zone.

To see and do things I've never done.

A new chapter.

*****

Today we listed our beloved Vintage Home for sale.

I realize that I've been very spoiled.

I don't think the place we will be renting will have crown molding,

hardwood floors, dormers and built ins.

But I'm totally fine with that.

Truly.

I can create a warm and pretty house.

But a HOME...

A home is so much more than the building we live in.

It's a state of mind. An attitude.

All the crown molding, bead board, and hardwood

in the world won't fill your heart the way

memories, hugs and a home cooked meal does.

Home is the sound of laughter, singing, and the warm fuzzy feeling you get when

your husband...children....friends.....family....walk in the door.

And its in the mess they leave behind.

It's the feeling of your puppy curled up at your feet.

It's the smell of hamburgers on the grill on a hot Summer evening.

Home.

xoxo

Jodi

Are you ready to go on an adventure with us?

Celebrating...{ Seven }

Change....

(*This is the final post of the Celebrating series. To read from the beginning, you can start here.)

Change comes with every decision we make.

For example, this is our new grand-puppy Spieler.

When Janelle and Justin brought him home just 9 short months

ago I'm sure they didn't expect how much their life would change!

He has grown about 10 pounds a month, but still thinks he is a lap dog.

He is well behaved, but at 90 pounds, this bundle of love & licks can pin you down in no time flat. (The more I screamed, the more he licked!)

They knew a puppy would require much work and discipline, 

but they underestimated the fun and love they would know owning a dog like Spieler.

CHANGE...

After a long and cold snowy season, Janelle was ready for a change around her house too.  She has done an amazing job creating a cozy and organized home

for she and Justin. She has a real knack for putting things together!
(I didn't get many good pictures of their cute little house)

One day, she asked me to help her create a Spring mantle. 

As if creating Spring inside would melt the snow outside.
But after a LONG Winter Season, she needed to FEEL Spring was close.

So, while visiting Amish Country, we found this faux birdcage and

the sweet little blue bird.

The next day, while she was working on her wedding quilt,

I went to work on the mantle.  I "shopped" her house 

to find just the right things.

It didn't take me long to find the perfect pieces.

A framed chalkboard and a blue vase that was used at their Wedding.

She had already written the verse on the chalk board.

While Janelle was sewing and I was playing with the mantle, Jeff

and Justin found some time to relax on the sofa.

When I was done, I stood back, content with what I had created by bringing Spring to the mantle...

But I thought I heard some snickering.... it seems

Winter FUN still lingered in the corner, 

mocking me...

Sometimes it takes us a little time to accept that change is coming.  That a NEW season is approaching.

***

And boy, do we know about that!

We are preparing for big changes too!

That verse will prove to be one I want to memorize as we navigate the upcoming months.

And of course,

You will be with us each step of the way!

xoxox

Jodi

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Celebrating... { Two }

This boy!

I know, he is a man now, 

but he will always be my little boy.

While we were visiting the East Coast last month, 

our oldest son celebrated his 24th Birthday!!

 How can it be ...

 That the little baby boy

who was born just days before his dad deployed

is already 24!?

 Jarrod, 

You have been a wonderful big brother and son. You have made us laugh

til our sides hurt with your slapstick antics and silly sense of humor.

Sure, there were times that your boy humor made me a little crazy.

But I wouldn't change anything about you.

You are pretty amazing.

You are a very talented guitarist. So creative and gifted!

A gift from our Heavenly Father.

And Dad & I couldn't be prouder.

Happy 24th Birthday Sweet Jarrod.

Your family loves you more than you can ever imagine.

You are going to do great things.

Be patient, life is a journey.

Enjoy the scenery along its path.

If you stumble (we all do!),

brush off the dust and keep moving forward.

Keeping your eye on the prize.

When you get tired and think you haven't gone very far,

look at the path behind you...

and remember all that you have learned along the way.

Then look ahead and see 

those who love you cheering you on!

...and smile.

xoxo

Mom

PS. Do you remember writing this?

Dad was on a ship in the Persian Gulf and the trade centers had just been attacked.

Your heart has always been so tender. Don't ever change.

Keep on building...I hear a crowd cheering for you too!

It's the most wonderful time of the year....

Monday was the day I had been anticipating

for nearly six months....

I wrote a special message on the kitchen chalk board.

I went to the grocery store and bought the essentials.

I shaved my legs.

I cleaned the house and put clean sheets on the bed.

I washed the dog and moved my stuff out of his part of the closet.

I laid out my outfit and filled my car with gas.

I went to bed and woke up bright and early with butterflies in my stomach.

And...

Then my mother in law and I drove to the ferry an hour away.

Took it across Puget Sound and drove another 30 minutes to Everett Naval Base.

We met up with our oldest son, and found a spot on the wharf.

Tents and RV's were set up for the 157 babies who were born while

the USS NIMITZ was deployed. That's right, 157 babies that

were waiting to meet their daddy for the first time!

As the Carrier got closer and closer I started to wonder if any of the figures manning the rail was my husband. 

It takes about 600 sailors to stand the perimeter.

Its a spectacular sight to behold.

  

Once pierside,

the sounds of guns filled the air as the lines are shot from ship to pier.

Soon the brows will be set up and sailors will be aloud to 

exit this vast ship.

After nearly 9 months deployed, the winners of the "first kiss" raffle will be first.

Then, the new dads are the next to leave.

The gate to the pier finally opens up to everyone.

There is a flood of children with signs 

and moms with looks of anticipation and relief.

Girlfriends and fiances, parents and siblings watch with excitement.

The Patriot Riders stand proudly in support of our troops.

Hand held flags are waved in celebration.

The local media is there to capture the happy reunions.

We can see better now...

those figures on the flight deck.

Our sign is a huge 3 x 6 feet.

My husband spots us and starts waving his arms.

I recognize his stature.

I begin to jump up and down with arms flying.

I turn to my mother in law and ask

"Is that really him"?

She says YES as she and our son are waving too.

My eyes fill with tears as I see he is there...

He is REALLY there!

My eyes stay locked on his outline and he motions that he is coming down now.

I make my way to the brow and wait and wait and wait.

Dressed in their dress blues, all the officers look alike.

But finally, finally I see him come out of the side of the ship and make 

his way closer. I can hardly contain my enthusiasm!

Together at last!!!

Yes, its the most wonderful time of the year!

WELCOME HOME USS NIMITZ CVN 68 

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you!!

You can see amazing photo's of happy families

here!