The familiar taste of foot in my mouth.... and other embarrassing moments....

You know those moments...They go something like this...

 You are so proud of yourself,

 the star of the 3rd grade Christmas Program, dressed up as Mary in a beautiful blue veil.

Gleaming as you march off the stage with Joseph, Shepard's, sheep and 3 wise men.

Smiling as you embrace the most fulfilling moment in your 8 year old life,

and then as you scoot across the old wood bleachers....

you get a giant sliver in your butt.

Or

That moment in 6th grade when you

finally return to school 2 months after breaking your leg on your third ski lesson.

only to have your crutch slip on spilled lunchroom gravy ...
 causing your crutch to fly in the air 

and your head to fall backwards
onto the corner of the lunch bench just about knocking you out.
The entire lunch room is watching as the nurse runs in
and escorts you to the office.

Or

That awkward date in 9th grade when the boy goes to kiss you

and you don't know what to do when you feel his tongue...

so you accidentally bite it and then awkwardly start laughing so hard you can't breath.

(totally destroying his masculinity)

Or

The morning you wake up late for a nail appointment

and throw on yesterdays pants lying on the floor beside the bed...

 As you're racing into the mall via a door being held open for you by a handsome gentleman...

a lacy hot pink pair of (yesterdays) panties fall out of your pant leg

right in front of him....

Or
While at the first social outing after your husband is promoted to Officer
you are seated directly across the table from the Captain.
You eagerly squeeze your lemon into your water glass
 not realizing its squirting all the way across the table
into his FACE
(Thankfully he had a good sense of humor!)

Yes, my life is remembered by moment, after awkward moment.

Seriously, I could go on and on for DAYS!

****

So, today, when I found that familiar taste of foot in my mouth

I shouldn't have been surprised.

We were attending a memorial service at our church.

Because I didn't know many of the guests,  I tried to talk mostly to the familiar faces.

 I recognized a lady in the crowd, so I spent some time catching up with her

and congratulating her on her fairly recent wedding and also giving my 

condolences for the recent loss of her father in law a few weeks ago.

She started talking to someone else so I meandered a little and decided to talk 

to (who I thought was) her husband.

ME: Hello, I'm Jodi. Jeff's wife. He mentioned that he's met you before.

HIM: Oh, yah... um, how are you?

ME:  Oh good, thanks! So, I never got to congratulate you on your 

recent marriage! congratulations!

HIM:  Um, thanks. ( a little look of uncertainty)

ME:  (not giving him room to talk) Oh, and I am so sorry to hear

about your dad. That must be very hard.

HIM:  My dad?  What's wrong with my dad?

ME: Aren't you ***** 's husband? Your dad...he recently passed away??

HIM: Um, no, I'm ****, my wife is over there with my daughter,

she is friends with **** .

ME: But you look so familiar, I wonder why that is.

HIM:  We were at your house a few years ago playing games for New Years.

ME: OOOOH yes, thats right! (Big awkward smile) Not another word spoken....

....I quietly make my way to the refreshment table in total embarrassment.

**5 minutes later**

I am now standing next to my husband with a full plastic cup of punch

and a paper cupcake holder with a chocolate peanut butter bar.

My husband is talking with another friend and I'm listening to their conversation.

Lost in my own little world I focus on the peanut butter bar.

It is stuck in the paper.

Its a bit of a battle working through the paper, but I finally get a bit of the cookie.

As I'm tasting pure delight I realize my husband has stopped talking.

I look up and see that they are both staring at me
 in disbelief.

In my eagerness to get a bite of the cookie, I hadn't realized the cup and cookie were in the
same hand.
As I twisted my hand to get the cookie into my mouth, I managed to
slowly pour the ENTIRE contents of my cup onto the carpet...
without even noticing.

ummmmm....oops....

My husband grabs a handful of napkins and blots the floor.

They get into a discussion of how did I pour an entire cup of punch onto the floor without any of it going down my shirt!?

We are all laughing now.

His friend says I need to write a book.

I say its time to go.

Walking out to the car I begin to think about my social awkwardness....
and that time a few years back when we were at a Luau on Maui

with the entire extended family.

After having a few complimentary Mai-Tai drinks,

I kept telling the waiter "Myhola" every time he brought something to the table.

 Finally, after about 5 times, Jeff  and his brothers asked me

"What are you trying to tell the waiter?"

"Thank you in Hawaiian!", I said. (DUH)

"Honey",  Jeff said

 "its Mahalo...NOT myhola".

OH...oops!